Dennis on the Road

Monday, March 26, 2007

For immediate release

Grand Rapids Community College Alumni Sets Record for School’s Top Cycling Result
Berkeley, California
March 25, 2007

According to Dennis L. Guikema, Grand Rapids Community College alumni, Sunday was supposed to be a day of catching up on paperwork, eating lots of food, and recovering from a hangover, but all that would change with a surprise phone call.

“I was polishing off my second plate of food at the Thai Buffet when I got the call,” Guikema reported. It was his former teammate Alden Tanaka telling him to get his ass to the University of California Berkeley campus as quickly as he could. There was a collegiate race, including a field for alumni of any college or university.

An admitted adrenaline junkie, Guikema hurried home to change into his cycling kit, put on his race wheels, and time trial the three miles to campus. Aldan had already filled out all but the signature on Guikemas' release, and Guikema had just enough time to pin on a number and get to the start line as the official finished giving prerace instructions.

“The field was small, but quick,” Guikema said gasping for air shortly after the finish. “Throughout the race my hangover was pounding the inside of my skull, and I felt that I would puke reconstituted Thai food across the streets of downtown Berkeley, but I had a job to do and my community college to represent.”

Guikema astonished all by winning many of the primes in the race, taking home armloads of really bad tasting recovery drinks, socks for his girlfriend, and “Belgian Butter” for his ass.

Like most cyclists, Guikema was full of excuses following the finish. “I would have won it if....” (ed. note: the next half hour of tape was accidentally erased, loosing Guikema’s very well articulated reasons for victory alluding him.)

Guikema was honored to represent Grand Rapids Community College by splitting the podium of the current collegiate national champion team, UC Davis. Guikema’s former teammate, Judd VanSomethingorother took the win while another Aggie, racing in a suit and tie, earned the bronze.

“I would never have had this great result if not for the support of my BPG teammate Uthman Rey and my girlfriend Trish Hylton, cheering me on,” Guikema announced on the podium to the cheers of hundreds of thousands of fans.


At 9:31 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Dennis - that's hilarious! That was a helluva race, and I'm glad that I was merely able to finish with the lead group. You'll just have to come back to stop Judd from getting the hat trick next year.

At 9:42 PM, Blogger Dennis said...

At least I beat the dude in the suit... I would have never lived that down.


Post a Comment

<< Home